When Marriage Meets Grace

Must have been bitten by the blog bug or something......maybe I just have to get some thoughts out. I've been reading a book by Gary & Betsy Ricucci called "Love That Lasts". Betsy is the sister of CJ Mahaney who used to be the pastor of Covenant Life Church which is now pastored by Josh Harris (I Kissed Dating Goodbye). Gary serves on the pastoral team of Covenant Life and is the director of student care for the Pastors College of Sovereign Grace Ministries. Anyway, I have been studying another book called "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace. Between the 2 books and some other reading I've done recently, I've been giving a lot of consideration to the fact that marriage is God's example to the world of Christ's relationship with the church and how that practically plays out in a marriage. In "Love That Lasts", Gary has a chapter on relational intimacy which is so full of good information, I wish I could just cut and paste the whole chapter. The part that I am challenged by is that relational intimacy requires humility. He says...."One of the greatest hindrances to fellowship in a marriage is pride--self-confident, self-exalting, self-protecting pride. Pride is perhaps the most deceptive, pervasive, and multifaceted form of sin, and it plays a central role in virtually all sin. One way the foolishness of pride is displayed in our communication is in our love for our own voice and opinions." Proverbs 18:2 - A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.

Then Gary has a list:

• Pride loves to talk, reveling in every self-exalting form of self-expression
• Pride assumes I already understand everything I need to
• Pride assumes I don't need help
• Pride sinfully judges others by assuming they will respond negatively or unhelpfully if I am open
• Pride uses conversation as broadcast time
• Pride doesn't need a spouse, just an audience
• Pride denies what the gospel reveals about our seriously sinful condition (Prov 10:19; Galations 5:17)

"Whenever Betsy poses a question or concern about my tone of voice, manner of speech, or choice of words, and my first response is to 'explain' or 'defend' rather than ask a lot of questions about what she heard, invariably I am confirming her concern and am guilty of pride. In contrast, humility yearns to learn, because it recognizes its deficiencies (Prov 12:15)."

• Humility asks questions and loves dialogue
• Humility has never found someone it couldn't learn something from
• Humility assumes there is always more to learn about everything
• Humility assumes I need others
• Humility would rather be open and vulnerable than closed and independent
• Humility uses conversation with a spouse to explore new worlds
• Humility puts energy and effort into listening
• Humility treats a spouse as a fellow traveler on the road to biblical wisdom
• Humility that leads to intimacy takes an interest in one's spouse as a gift from God
• Humility believes what the gospel says about our desperate need for God and His grace - after we're saved as well as before

Gary then goes on to talk about true listening.....so much good stuff!

One last point...."The relational intimacy we have been discussing is, in essence, a spiritual intimacy. As you employ biblical communication to open up to one another in all honesty and humility, you and your spouse move toward the unhindered relational intimacy that Adam and Eve enjoyed prior to their sin. As you grow spiritually closer to one another, you position yourselves to experience God's grace to help you grow in holiness, a process called sanctification. God changes you. This makes you more like Christ as individuals and makes you as a couple into a better representation of Christ and the church. Thus, the biblical communication that furthers relational intimacy in marriage promotes God's ultimate purpose for marriage. Relational intimacy is not only enjoyable in itself--it is a path to holiness, and that brings glory to God."

Ok, there's my soapbox for today....I think I better go meditate on all this some more.